Author Archives

officejockeys

Kegels: The Future

Another weekend in the books, another 72 hours of sex-free fun added to my eternal dry spell. Each week I allow myself an ounce of desperation: that this weekend will be different. If Magic Johnson can beat AIDS, I sure as shit can get laid. But alas, the […]

Sloppy Sauce: Regret

Another weekend in the books, another brutal Monday morning spent dodging your boss in the bathroom, pooping out the Sunday scaries. As you tremble in your cubicle awaiting the countless emails awaiting you, you begin to reflect on your sins of the weekend. From a overdraft bank account […]

Booze Hounds: 5:01 P.M.

It’s Friday, 4:00, congrats, you’ve almost done it. The continual beating you take with each passing week from corporate America is about to be put on pause for two glorious days. A weekend packed with light -hearted pleasure followed by a Sunday morning of regret, anxiety and possibly […]

Don’t Graduate

After 5 years of vigorously kicking your liver, cholesterol and dignity square in the balls, the clock has struck midnight. The Cinderella story that is college, has come to a screeching halt and your post collegiate life looms ahead. If you were lucky enough to convince some corporation […]

Sloppy Sauce: Origins

There is no worse feeling than that violent phone alarm  finger blasting  it’s way deep into the crevices that is your ear hole. Each and every Monday begins the same way. The weekend Booze Hound you’ve digressed to in your early corporate life dreads this  moment every Sunday […]