Category: Sexless In Seattle

The Retirement Plan

It’s the ultimate goal. What we all look for in a potential partner. Sure everyone will tell you they are looking for someone with a good personality and treats them right, but deep down they’re looking for someone with two qualities: Rich and Beautiful. After a long streak […]

The Slow Eater

I’ve been on several dates, and the theme seems to be the same every time. She takes her time eating food, and I stuff my fat face as fast as possible. It’s just my nature I guess. If I see food in front of me, I eat it. […]

The Swipe Test

One of the biggest decisions you will ever have to make is whether or not you move out of your hometown to a big new city. The decision can be especially tough if you don’t know anyone, but the reason you move will ultimately outweigh all of that. […]

Kegels: The Future

Another weekend in the books, another 72 hours of sex-free fun added to my eternal dry spell. Each week I allow myself an ounce of desperation: that this weekend will be different. If Magic Johnson can beat AIDS, I sure as shit can get laid. But alas, the […]